Ranking Team Names

 

     

     Those who listen to the New Heights podcast are aware that the Kelce brothers are currently conducting a "Best Team Name" bracket challenge, where listeners can vote for their favorites and submit a bracket. It had me inspired to reflect on and rank them as well. I have always found the etymology of a team name interesting and how it relates to the city the team represents. So here is an honest and unbiased personal ranking of each NFL team name from 32 to 1.

Tier 1: Bad

#32. Houston Texans

Ranking it dead last for redundancy and lack of creativity. We already know they are Texans due to the fact that they are in Houston. For what it's worth I think the logo and color scheme are awesome, just not the name.

#31. Cleveland Browns

It's named after a former owner, which comes off as narcissistic, and creates further confusion that the team is "Browns" yet the helmets are Orange. Arguably the most bland team name/logo combinations in the league.

Tier 2: Fine, but generic

#30. Arizona Cardinals

Fun fact, they used to be in St. Louis, where there was (and still is) and baseball team on the same name. Rather than change their name, the team moved out west. There are 5 teams named after birds and to me this is the weakest.

#29. Atlanta Falcons
It's fine I guess, it's a cool bird of prey but it's generic and the name has no connection to the city and was chosen from a "name-the-team" contest for fans to write and submit essays with their preference. The Falcon in the shape of an "F" is a cool logo though.

#28. Carolina Panthers
There's 4 teams named after big cats and to me this is the weakest, largely because there is an NHL team in Florida with the same name, which makes much more sense than Carolina Panthers. The owner named the team and just wanted something mean and ferocious.

#27. Jacksonville Jaguars
Another "name-the-team" fan contest winner. There are no Jaguars roaming around Jacksonville, but it's a cooler cat than a Panther and it has the alliteration going for it. Also at the time the oldest living Jaguar in the US resided at the Jacksonville zoo.

#26. Detroit Lions
Same as 28 and 27 but more iconic and they cite the parallel of wanting the team to be "Kings of the NFL" since the Lion is known as the king of the jungle. They also went with Lions to compliment the Tigers, Detroit's baseball team.

#25. Chicago Bears
Iconic and historic but not a unique or creative name and bears can be found in many different parts of the country. Like Detroit, another team name rooted from it's local baseball affiliate, the Chicago Cubs. But referring to them as "Da Bears" has become a staple.

Tier 3: Mid

#24. Kansas City Chiefs
There's so many collegiate and pro teams that also use the Native American themed nicknames like Seminoles, Blackhawks, Braves as well as teams that were forced to change their names such as Redskins and Indians.

#23. Tennessee Titans

Outside of the Parthenon replica, there's really not much connecting Tennessee and Ancient Greece. With the team based in Nashville, this seems like a missed opportunity to find a name better suited to its country and honky-tonk vibes. 

#22. Los Angeles Rams
It's not bad, which is why they kept it when moving from St. Louis to Los Angeles, but feels like it was better suited for a mountain based team like Denver.

#21. New York Jets

The aviation theme is cool but doesn't have much to do with the city, other than the fact that the team originally played in a stadium next to LaGuardia Airport. But at least the New York teams have this cool rhyming combination of Jets, Mets, & Nets.

#20. Los Angeles Chargers

Despite the logo and the nickname "Bolts" the team name actually has nothing to do with lightning strikes or electricity. According to Wikipedia, the GM at the time picked the name because ""I liked it because they were yelling 'charge' and sounding the bugle at Dodgers Stadium and at USC games." Still, it gets points for its uniqueness.

#19. Indianapolis Colts

This would rank way higher if the team was never moved from Baltimore, as this was a nod to breeding thoroughbreds and the Preakness Stakes, one of the 3 horse races that are a part of the Triple Crown along with the Kentucky Derby and Belmont Stakes. But the relocation makes this name feel out of place.

Tier 4: Good

#18. Washington Commanders

It gets a lot of unnecessary hate from recency bias of being the newest name change, but it leans into the cities presidential theme of Commander In Chief, as well as George Washington himself, whom the city is named after, being the commander of the Continental Army. 

#17. Cincinnati Bengals

By far the best of the Big Cat nicknames, largely because they took the extra step of not just naming themselves "Tigers" but differentiating themselves with a specific and cool-sounding species. And it served as the basis for the cool orange and black striped helmets. The only knock is the same as the other Big Cats, there are no tigers running rampant around Cincinnati. 

#16. New York Giants

Some think it's bad because they incorrectly think it is meant to be another mythological based name like "Titans", and others cite the baseball team of the same name from San Francisco which came much earlier. But "Giants" refers to New York's massive skyscrapers and buildings that tower over the city. Thus an appropriate name for a team from the nation's largest and busiest city.

#15. Dallas Cowboys

Hate on them all you want but it's a perfect, region-specific name for a Texas team and their old timey atmosphere of cattle, ranchers, saloons, tumbleweeds, standoffs, rodeos, lassos, and the wild wild west. And it's super iconic.

#14. Denver Broncos

This one also comes from a "name-the-team" fan contest, but in this case the name does typify the West and is a good a fit for a Colorado based team. Also a stronger horse name than "Colt" as Broncos are tough and fast.  

#13. Las Vegas Raiders

This one is totally personal preference and has no connection to Las Vegas (or its former location of Oakland) but just a cool, bad-ass name for a football team.

Tier V: Top Notch

#12. Baltimore Ravens

It's actually a nod to Edgar Allen Poe's most famous tale, which was authored in Baltimore where Poe resided. 

#11. Buffalo Bills

They are actually names after the famous Western frontiersman "Buffalo Bill" who hunted Bison, which shouldn't work for an Eastern city. But it connects the animal to the city name and "Buffalo Bills" just rolls off the tongue so nicely. 

#10. Seattle Seahawks

Another public naming contest winner but this one just fit so well. Bird of prey, alliteration, and a name and color scheme that embodied the Pacific Northwest. And Seahawk is another name for "Osprey", which are common to Seattle.

#9 Miami Dolphins

An absolute perfect mascot and color scheme for a tropical, oceanfront city with beaches, boating, and warm weather year round. 

Tier VI: Any of these could be #1

#8 Tampa Bay Buccaneers

A reference to the legendary (and maybe fictional?) Spanish pirate Jose Gaspar, who often raided cities along the Gulf of Mexico, as well as Gasparilla, Tampa's pirate parade version of Mardi Gras. Tampa is most definitely a pirate town, and "Buccaneer" is a stronger swashbuckling scallywag nickname than "Raider", especially for a city actually on the coast. And the in-stadium Pirate ship is bad-ass.

#7 New England Patriots

Whether it was the Massachusetts Bay Colony, or Paul Revere, or Sam Adams, or dumping tea into the harbor to protest taxation without representation, the name perfectly embodies the spirit of the city and it's prominent roles in America's origins and winning its independence from Britain.

#6 New Orleans Saints

A nod to "When the Saints Go Marching In", the city's unofficial theme song written by New Orleans native Louie Armstrong, as well as the largely Catholic area (all the counties are named after Saints) and the team being born on All Saints Day. The name perfectly unites the city's Jazz influence and most recognizable tune with its religious roots. The "Fleur-De-Lis" symbol also is a good nod to the city's French roots.

#5 Philadelphia Eagles

The Bald Eagle symbolizes the United States and while it may not be the capital, Philadelphia played a pivotal role in US History as the signing place of the Declaration of Independence, home to the Liberty Bell, and a regular meeting place for the Founding Fathers who discussed, debated, and ultimately helped form a new country.

#4 San Francisco 49ers

A historical nod to the California Gold Rush of 1849 and the "Miner Miner 49ers", which also explains the gold helmets. The teams primary colors, Gold and Red, are also a nod to their most recognizable landmark, the Golden Gate Bridge, and the name was also a metaphor as to how to organization was hoping to strike gold of its own, which it did by winning 5 Super Bowls.

#3 Minnesota Vikings

The name has good regional ties as it pays homage to Scandinavians who migrated to Minnesota and in Norse mythology Vikings were some of the toughest warriors that ever walked the earth. The horned helmets are like those actually worn by the warriors and Minnesota's icy climate is also like that of what the Scandinavians sailed in, and the blowhorn heard during games is a fun touch as well.

#2 Green Bay Packers

Named after the Acme Meat Packing Company, who originally sponsored the team, and has stood the test of the time as one of the earliest roots of professional football. There's something hard working and honest about it, and it's a great fit for the only NFL team that is owned by the fans and people of Green Bay. 

#1 Pittsburgh Steelers

It's cool and bad-ass sounding but also a great representation how liked Pittsburgh was to steel manufacturing. The team identity also typifies the toughness and resiliency of the hard working class of Western Pennsylvania, priding themselves on hard-nosed defense, running the football, and fighting through the cold and often ugly weather.